One Snowy Night or Surprise Shower

A friend recently travelled abroad to Asia and discovered the complexity of electronic commodes. Imagine, if you will, the most complicated commode you have ever seen and not a single bit of directions in English! When she recounted her experience with this wonder of modern technology, I was reminded of my own misadventure with the Japanese interpretation of personal hygiene Utopia....

Here is a nearly unedited version of the email which I sent her confessing my encounter:

It was winter, 1997. I was living in Japan and working at a tutoring school in Isehara. On a typical day, my commute was an hour each way. On this particular day, there had been some flurries and forecasts for snow but life goes on and so does school. So, I drove to work anyway. Well, by the time I got there the snow was coming down harder and people had begun to talk about going home early. In this part of Japan snow does fall but it's rare and even when it comes there is little accumulation. So, we started classes but the snow became a blizzard. The trains shut down, there were no snow plows, and people drove like a Texan on ice. About 8pm the school decided to close and so I left to begin the trek home.

I had grown up in the snow and had no fear of driving. I knew to just take it slow and mentally reviewed how to come out of a fish tail.

I had two minor fender benders within 500 feet of the school from people rear-ending me. However, I pushed forward. I wanted to get home! At 10pm I had only traveled a mile. By then, I had to use the restroom- bad! So, I maneuvered between abandoned cars on the road (yes, they just ABANDONED their cars ON the road- not the side- and walked home!) and made my way to a gas station.

When I located the restroom, therein was the most complicated commode I had ever seen. With only passing trepidation, I took care of my business and then stared at the symbols trying to determine which was the "flush" button. Finally, I chose one that I thought looked appropriate and pushed. Fortunately, I had the forethought to not be sitting on it and was standing off to the side because it wasn't flush. It was the bidet! Next thing I knew, an enormous stream of water was shooting forward and I scrambled to shut the lid! Oh my gosh! There was water everywhere! I thought it
would never stop and I couldn't figure out how to shut it off! Finally, it stopped. I tried to mop up the water without much success. (Japan is notorious for not having paper in their restrooms. We all learned to carry tissues for public restroom usage.)

After an embarrassing amount of time in there, I scooted out and dashed into the safety of my car! I never again attempted to use one of those fancy commodes!